Those who have not died, but are no longer in our lives as they once were, may also be mourned. Maybe there is reluctance to grieve if the parting was difficult, misunderstood, or unwanted, but there is sadness that often lingers beyond our ability to rationalize it away. I find it healthful to acknowledge that sadness, and the misgivings that can accompany the ending of relationships, especially long-lasting ones.

Even if the parting was mutual and understandable, we were part of each others’ lives and such endings are not easily accepted. Memories remain. Tangible reminders may be nearby, or ever present, and even the person themselves may still be in close physical proximity. As with all grief, it is personal and circumstantial and its depth and longevity will depend upon the unique relationship itself and what it meant to each person.

As with those who have died, mourning for the living is active and takes energy. We may feel as though in a fog as we adapt to life without them. The possibility (or improbability) of restoration is something to come to terms with, too, when the person mourned is alive. Hope, which may be unrealistic, can be a source of additional sadness, particularly if an explicit ending was not desired or expressed. The nebulous ending, therefore, can make grief more difficult.

For those I miss who are still living, but not presently part of my life, I remind myself that the love and the good we once shared is still real. The times and places, the experiences that brought us together and held us for a time, have enriched us. They ended, yes, and maybe for beneficial reasons, yet they remain a part of who we are.

For those I mourn who are living:
May you be happy,
May you be healthy,
May you be safe,
May you feel peace.