“I paint flowers so they will not die.” -Frida Kahlo

I love that Frida painted flowers as a way to memorialize their existence and as an act of preservation for something that lives so beautifully and briefly. In the act of painting them, she remained connected to a part of the natural world that she loved, and we can do the same with our dear ones who have died by actions that demonstrate our ongoing bond.

I blogged about the concept and practice of “continuing bonds” not long after my sister Christine died, and 10 years later I find that the things I do to uphold and strengthen our bond are just as meaningful to me, even more so with the passage of time. My conscious actions to maintain our connection feel natural and good to do. A continuing bond can be anything that feels like a sustaining connection between the two of you, just as it does with someone who’s living. Each day, for example, I ring a chime for her and say good morning, upon waking. You can include others to expand the community bond. For instance on May 1, a family member and I texted about this being the beginning of “Kissie’s month” because of her upcoming birthday and today I shared a photo of my tulips with a long-time friend of hers who thinks of her fondly and frequently.

It’s been 28 years since the groundbreaking book on continuing bonds by Klass, Silverman & Nickman was published, and it’s heartening to see that it’s become a more normalized and encouraged grief practice. Let’s keep that trend going because deep cultural shifts take time. There are countless ways to continue a bond — reading the books or watching the films they loved, listening to their favorite music, traveling to places they visited or lived in, writing letters to them, creating poetry, music, or art about them, getting a symbolic tattoo, taking up a cause they believed in, praying for them — the possibilities are as varied and multi-faceted as the people themselves and they change over time. What are some of the ways that you continue your bonds?

It is said that Frida always signed her correspondence with “Remember me.” Maybe she instinctively knew that connections can be sustained with acts of remembrance.